You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2007.
oh ya, i know i’m not the only one to struggle (airdrie??????)… the disney angle is covered elsewhere, i’m not the mary tyler moore career gal, i’ve just been in a bit of a funk…
first – my b-day is coming up. i’m not a person who thinks “oh, damn – i’m (30) – (4o) etc… but i did droop a little my 31st birthday and i wonder if there isn’t an underlying “i’ll be 41!” (and it’s not “someday!”, like in “when harry met sally”). maybe it’s flowing underneath everything and i’m not super aware of it.
second, i had a couple dates with my most recent RL crush (unlike my celebrity crushes and/or online crushes – i WILL NOT be naming names!!! – it did not pan out – which is ok, i repeat is ok – but i feel kind of crestfallen about it. i mean to paraphrase charlotte – “i’ve been dating for 25 years!!!! WHERE IS HE????” in addition to feeling rejected – a major blow to the ego in and of itself – but jesus. as far as i am concerned, here are my rules of attraction:
a) YOU are to remain attracted to ME until i am no longer attracted to YOU.
b) i am not a booty call gal, but YOU should want to make out with me all the time.
c) see A.
also, i do not have a replacement RL crush in the waiting. so instead, i see him every day (of course, prior to major humiliation and dumpage i hardly ever saw him) and he says “hi – how are you?”, completely making it worse that i acted like a freaky idiot and acting like i never… ok well we “never” (thank god!!!!!!!!!!) but i don’t now know if it is worse for someone to totally ignore you or just wave and say “hey” like you never spoke privately or whatever.
plus i feel soooo dumb for even thinking he was interested. i mean, i just feel like i can’t trust my judgment anymore and i just don’t know where to go now. i fucking give up.
i know this is all stupid and petty. but sometimes i feel i missed the W.O.O. what is the W.O.O.? Window Of Opportunity (tm TT whom coined the term). i apparently was supposed to latch randomly on to someone in my early twenties. now that i know who i am, what i want and am reaching my potential – i got nothin’. and i’m not tryin’ to be desperate woman sex blog, but i want a regular partner who i like and likes me and we do stuff and want to kiss each other. is that so wrong?
anywho, another weekend. i got stuff to do – but tonite, i ate a pot pie and i am going to watch all my tivo’d shows for the week – top chef, tim gunn’s guide to style, ANTM(cycle ??), ghost whisperer, ugly betty… then i shall lay on my bed – ALONE – and pout, maybe. and try to resist eating more ice cream.
and i do not feel like putting in all the links i should. so there.
i was talking on the phone with a friend, waiting for a taxi to take me to the louisville airport so i could fly to boston to meet my step mom. we were to embark on a 2 week trip to italy that i had planned to celebrate finishing grad school, passing my boards, etc. the “today” show was on in the background, and certainly caught my attention as the first plane hit – but it was the second – as it was i am sure for most of us – that had me put the phone down and stare. within the hour, i was calling back home to california – where i woke up more than one dozing friend – and all my family, even one of my best friends, scott, who was living in dubai at the time.
given that i was trying to get to logan, and nobody seemed to know what the hell was going on, i just sat in front of the tv, alone (mags was already at the kennel), in utter shock. my step mom and i had already decided that, if the airports opened, we would still go to italy, but that didn’t happen, of course, and logan was closed for – was it weeks? i had the time off so i ended up driving north to visit my grandparents and up near chicago to visit cousins and family. american flags hung everywhere and i had one flying from my del sol’s antenna. it didn’t feel cheesy at all.
one vivid memory of that week was the following friday, i attended the portage high school -was it homecoming?- football game with my cousins – both teachers at the HS and their kids. my dad went to HS in portage, it’s about as middle america as you can get – steel mills, blue collar, american cars. it was extra poignant to see the ROTC kids bring out the colors, and i wasn’t the only one crying during the national anthem.
and something else, the warmest, most heartfelt, most sincere condolences to myself – and all americans – from every italian person i spoke with as i slogged through all the cancellations that not making our trip involved. there was not a penalty charge nor a lost deposit anywhere. the goodwill was palpable.
the following year, on september 11th, karen and i flew to italy.
i can’t pretend to sort out all that goes on in the world today, but i know that i do have pride in being an american and know that others in the world do indeed think america is great and her people, wonderful. i feel so ashamed that we, as a nation, may have squandered all of that good will. but even though i am a bleeding heart lefty liberal – AND PROUD OF IT! – i am not and will never be ashamed of the flag wherever i see it – monument or antenna. peace to those we lost, those left behind and to all our brothers and sisters fighting overseas.
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