now i need a cigarette

this is the end

of nablopomo. phew. it’s been interesting and somewhat stressful – considering i was out of town for 4 of the days. actually, it bumped up the learning curve in terms of a few tech savvy things. and i’ve found some cool sites and new friends i’ll be following. i may keep posting everyday too. perhaps just to annoy eric – or potentially freak him out..

question – are there 6,280 posts exactly like this one posting this very day? now here’s something i hope you’ll really like:

PR:SIV episode 3?

so, it’s a field trip! to tiki-land! hot man alert! is it weird that i don’t think anyone asked what the outfit for tiki was for? am i missing something? i guess it’s for the TV gig. menswear – that’s so tough. everything tailored, everything lined. i would’ve made him some sweatpants. or tightie whities! heh heh..

everybody begins designing and sewing. what i thought was interesting was that the film made it look to me like they were working really well together, talking and helping each other out. it’s looking like the intimated drama of the show will be in one of the guys (jack?) taking his shorts off and cutting them into a pattern with some help from veronyca or vivica or what ever that v girls name is..

-> crazy moment – elisa can’t touch or look at any boy other than her BF. please.

-> and – i’m sorry – how whipped is tiki? his whole intro was pretty much about how his wife picks his clothes. now she shows up to critique the designs in progress…

ok christian’s model has the giant package. eww. but i must say – beautiful boys!

so here come the models (after inroducing the judges, of course – hi nina!) ; man there is a lot of sketchy $hit goin’ on- things sewn in and draped on.

• jillian – looked not bad. a complete outfit.
• carmen- horror! no shirt! ick!
• christian s – weird beige color
• kit – funky, odd jacket. too shapeless and shawl like
• rami – his pants were looking great, ug the jacket – bad
• sweet p – hideous shirt – at least she knows it is bizarre
• steven – not fitted well, but i really like that sweater/pants/gene kelley thing for guys
• victorya – ugly white coat? tuxedo?
• kevin – again unfinished – a teeny tiny vest, purple shirt.
• chris – total sprockets
• jack – weird stripes. it looks weird.
• ricky – nothing fits
• elisa – vest is weird, but it does look like it fits the best i think.

i would pick either elisa for the weird factor or steven. maybe jillian. i think carmen should go. i would like for sweet p to stay. the jack cheater pants is going to win, i fear. i bet sweet p goes home. i hope not!!!

i think tiki welled up there at the end… awwww.

next looks to be a duo challenge… can’t wait, kiddies!

youtube can make your head pop off

the above is the result of, oh, about 2 hours of attempting to edit/save/upload a video onto youtube for the first time…. i am going to revist this project when i don’t feel like bashing my computer against a wall… it started out to be about 5 minutes of a video and somehow i ended up with about 5 seconds worth. go fig.

seriously – you can imagine how good we all look – too bad you can’t see more of me there in 3 seat rocking the engine room (and the do rag).

today is a red-letter day!

and that letter is V! for vagina! woohooo!ok, maybe its “p” for period, but – after like 3 months of freaky pill action and other nonsense, auntie flo has arrived! joy! huzzah! maybe i’ll feel better and normal and release the 18# of water weight gain sloshing about my face and mid-section!

and i wasn’t worried about not “getting it” because of the usual fears one might first suspect. i’ve never been a girl who hated and/or complained about getting her period. in fact, i’m dreading menopause and beyond when my monthly visitor shall visit no more… sigh. in any event, last i heard, actual sex is required for conception. although, jesus is coming back, so i hear. ’tis the season!

TMI, i know..

not happy

i’m a cranky bitch today. want to go buy, oh i don’t know, like some cake mix or something and lie face down it. whilst moaning.

ok, why i wonder? why? crap. i hate being moody and i hate self-pity. bleah.

my hands are somewhat better – great news. thanksgiving was fun – great news. i have family, friends and health. good. great. fabulous! so looking forward to mousefest and seeing new “old” friends in person. i just have a melancholy today that i’m dwelling on shit, feeling ugly as sin and missing things i don’t have and never did.

and if one of my friends called me and related the same, i’d listen and be supportive and understanding.

sometimes, although i’m grateful for much and have fun every day, sometimes i wonder why the FUCK am i here and what is the point? i suppose this makes me crazy, which, in turn is probably why – to quote stuart smalley - “i will die homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight”. i mean, even if one decides they live in a bubble and – like i try to do – they’ll live for whatever purpose makes them happy – work, friends, family, disney! – whatever… at SOME point one requires -is that the correct word – interaction with others, right? and i’m not even getting into the whole relationship/sex thing. i’m just talking about interaction, back and forth with people other then ones-self on a regular basis. but then again you end up relying on other folks.

i know i’ve relied ALOT on some online connections this month during this whole nablopomo deal especially. it’s kind of taken on a life of its own which is 90% fantastic and 10% bad. because at some point, doesn’t looking at your computer become another version of waiting for the phone to ring? when it does, there can be an intoxication, right – people have been blogging about expecting comments with view (i dont) and watching blog stats (i do). so if whatever feedback one would like or from whomever isnt there, than, at least for me, judgement and self doubt can ensue. then i just sit here and stew and, as per usual, wonder what is wrong with me. why DO i take everything so personal – either as endorsement or insult? why not adopt the “its your problem mentality, I’m fucking FANTASTIC!!!!!! how can i just live and be happy?

and what if you are going along and suddenly read something odd or offensive even in something online? something you;ve been really liking and looking forward to seeing everyday? then what?

insert more cursing and bitching here.

the end of whatever dream i had last night was of a beautiful loft apartment near the beach on a gorgeous day with sun and wind streaming through flowing white curtains somewhere in san fransisco. i knew it was a dream due to the sun streaming in and not fog.

this has gone every which way. shocking i know! i suppose i should get up and go share my sunshine with the infirm.