i just came across this:

 

You leave me defenseless

Knock me senseless

Your words dance in my head

Like tiny ballerinas performing gleefully

Just for me

And I love the show

Love letting you know

That you leave my soul shaking

Trembling with the promise

Of the next time we’ll speak

The next glimpse or peek

That you offer me

Of yourself

And I drink it in

Like a fine red wine

Drunk with your essence

Intoxicated by your presence

And I never want to come down

From this high you send me on

Just stay by my side

And we’ll enjoy the ride

Our laughter will fuel

This rocket we’re on

Moving too fast to notice the glances

Of those we rush past

Not sure how long it will last

But I’m holding on

Too afraid to loosen my grip

Afraid to miss a moment of this trip

So I close my eyes

Enjoy the rush

Of your touch

The rush of your gaze

Into my eyes

The smell of your neck

Piercing my brain

Makes me insane

We warned each other

Said we were crazy

But somehow it fits

Two jagged puzzle pieces

That snap together

And form a picturesque scene

So serene

My body goes slack

My mind relaxed

Your charm

Disarming

And I have no shield

For what you make me feel

You knock me senseless

I’m defenseless

 

 

 

thought i got rid of all that shit!!! but seriously, i have been feeling a lot more open and generous in days of late. maybe it has to do with the little bit of perspective reinforced by my need for surgery in the next month. if i could, i would want to say something like this:

dear (insert your name here) -

i’ve been thinking about you quite a bit lately. usually, when i think of you, it brings a:

a) smile

b) frown

c) an ice pick

to my face. today was no exception. i often think about you, the fun we had together and wonder how you are doing and whether or not

a) you ever think about me

b) your girlfriend has figured out what an ass you are

c) you have gotten out of jail yet.

though things ended badly, i do want to apologize actually. seriously. not for the

a) long crying jag after

b) obsessive emails

c) taking that restraining order on you

but, for the fact that, even though i wish i were cool cucumber girl who never let it show that that anything bothers me, i’m sorry i became sad emo girl. i guess embarrassing myself is part of my process. and thats ok. i wish i weren’t like that, but honestly, i do like me and this is where i am. mostly, i DO want to say i am sorry for the hand i had in the whole demise of the relationship. i AM sorry i didn’t

a) realize there was no way in hell you were in a place to have a relationship of the type we both said we wanted

b) break it off when i knew it wasn’t going to work for me

c) did it with the best man at your wedding.

i jumped the gun, i think, in hopes and expectations. i KNOW i am poor at communicating. i saw the signs and i tossed my heart at you despite the fact that you were

a) not interested

b) engaged

c) gay

anyway. i wish i hadn’t done that and we were still

a) good friends

b) prison pen pals

c) putting one over on the GF.

things are good with me – actually bordering on great – and i just wanted you to know i think of you

a) extremely fondly

b) only when drunk

c) whenever i trip over that ugly wagon wheel coffee table.

i hope this finds you well.

signed,

me