You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2008.
my bff does a much better job with explaining the particulars than i, but this sign says it all….
but here’s jezebel’s take on marital infidelity…….
Deep emotional intimacy with another person combined with dishonesty with the person you’re not only supposed to tell the truth to but to wantto tell the truth to leads to more dishonesty, less intimacy, more estrangement and finally to those asswipes who tell women like me in bars, “My wife doesn’t understand me.” To every guy that has ever said that to me, I would like to now reply: she doesn’t understand you because youstopped allowing her to. Every time you lied or prevaricated or didn’t want to deal with her reaction to something hard, you alone denied yourself to her. And the answer to finding understanding doesn’t lie between anyone’s legs, it lies in breaking down the wall you two created.
um, yeah. you figure out your shit first, THEN come give me your crazy ass plea for love sometime. just sayin’..
my dog just ate a tube of cocoa butter that i was using on my scar. she smells like a chocolate bar. best i can tell, the cocoa butter is not the poisonous portion of chocolate, so i am not taking her to the vet or anything like that unless of course she became very ill. however, you’ve got to assume that a 3 inch stick of solid fat is not going to do great things to maggies digestive system.
did i mention i JUST finished steam cleaning all my carpets?
i am at work. it is my final day of assisted working and by that i mean having a senior nurse anesthesia resident do all my work for me and i just stand around being available. ahhhh the joy! so ms. A is at the head of the bed doing a fabulous job and i am hunkered down here in the corner trying to hide and let her run an anesthetic fully. she’s doing a great job i might add.
had my second PT appointment yesterday. it was the “massage” portion of the PT. i wasn’t expecting much, but it was actually great, although i think my rehab co-pay is ridiculous ($40/visit), considering an hour massage at most nice places start at ~$60 for a full hour, so $40 for a 25 minute trigger point pounding, though it felt great, is way over inflated. again, i figure i will do the appointments i have (the exercises i am doing seem to, if not be “helping” per seright now, definitely working muscles that need it) and maybe switch back over to my regular masseuse at some point…
otherwise, things are ok. so tired still! i just am zapped when i get home from work and basically walk the dog, pour a glass of wine, stare at the TV and get in bed by 8pm. actually, my sleep has been a little better these days though, just cause i am so tired.
i do have so many things to do though, and that pressure weighs heavy – my house needs a major cleaning, carpets too. i am just so damned disorganized. that was part of my plan after surgery, you know, not so much doing actual housework, but somehow re-aligning my mental chi to become a more evolved, dalai lama-like, organized, vegan, yoga and meditating fool. not so much…
november is right around the corner. seems like fall is whizzing by. looking forward to some great vacations i have planned this december and all the friends i get to see. oh, and i scored cheap tickets to go back and visit the grand parents in indiana in a couple of weeks, too – that will alleviate some of my guilty conscience anyway!
so back to real life!
had my first physical therapy session today – i was impressed actually. did about 45 minutes worth of excersises with the therapist, all upper body stuff – specifically rotator cuff, lats, upper arms, delts. working on that upper body stability. the therapist said several times that, given my previous activity level, i might find these exercises to easy right now and to stick with it.
um yeah.
they are just the right amount of easy/not easy actually! nothing that hurts or anything, but i can defintely tell that my right side is weaker than the left and these easy little exercises or challenging enough that i feel very excited that they are going to help me. mostly they involve adduction/abduction of the parts of the rotator cuff using an elastic band that i have strung up on a door hinge at home. also a “row” type exercise, a modified lat pull down, bicep curls (a whopping 5#s to start – no comments, grumpwurst!)- and tricep extensions. i am to do 2 sets of each exercise at 10-20 reps, i am starting at 12 and she recommended to increase depending on how i feel the next day. i haven’t restarted any yoga yet, but, after my notoriously tight hips being sore today after an ALMOST 8 mile “wog” yesterday, i am going to do a few sun salutations on the mornings i am not running, er, wogging.
otherwise, i am tired today. back to the big house for work tomorrow. unfortunately for me, the economy is affecting the med spa biz a little, and i wonder if i should cut my hourly commitment to that place and keep up my full time status at the hospital. it might not be the right time economically. i don’t know.
and air – hawaii sounds lovely!!!! 
i will eat all these words at some point and there will be many many blog posts documenting the messy aftermath.
you know i posted yesterday about “what i believe”. what i didn’t write is what sprang immediately into my mind first thing.
i believe that i will never get married. i believe that i missed any chance i had at a LTR by not :”settling” (sorry any former loves – because i was loving you, but i see now i was utterly immature at the time) and diving in at a time when, well, any time is no guarantee. how do you know if something will work or not? you don’t. an educated guess is good, i think, and i have been head over heels for many boys and had fleeting dreams of weddings and families and the like.
but not for a long time. not really.
so i believe i will never marry and never have children and never have a long term relationship. and i know if you are oprah or something, you are shaking your head now because, girl, if you believe that, and put it out there in words like that, you’re doomed. you are creating that energy and expectation. and, at some level, you get what you ask for.
and yet.
and yet, i have this…..crush. this crush right now that is completely in an infantile stage and probably completely ridiculous, and yet.
i am day dreaming about weddings. and rings. and public proposals and settling down and in. moving, family budgets and family vacations.
WTF?????????
i don’t think i am cut out for this. i haven’t shared a living space with anyone for a meaningful length of time since i was, oh, 18. i am difficult, stubborn and bossy (but in a good way).
what do i do? i think these freaky thoughts will color my interactions with said crush and doom the relationship.
what to do, what to do…. HELP ME!!!!!!!!
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