there’s got to be a morning after….

ok. dare i write this again??!! it’s 6am EST america – status post ingestion of alli and a freakish, fat-laden break with reality. as of now, nothing has shot out of…well, anywhere. i do have to work today – 4 hours from now. i think i will wear giant grammie panties and a panty liner or three just in case. if i never post again, i was buried in an avalanche of oily discharge. i hope i never have to mention this again. i don’t even want to think what this post’ll do to my google-ability….

on the side of sanity, here’s a reality check, courtesy of the canadian women’s health network - a shout out here to my fave canadiennes (sp.?!), air and KA - and the site is available en francais! i don’t know how to make that cedille thingy on my computer..

happy first day of summer!

UPDATE: it’s now 2000 EST and – my ass exploded and i lost 87 pounds!!!! NOT! i have no intention of disgusting anyone, but i did do #2 a couple of times today (a phrase i shall never again say or type – ever), but no exploding, leaking or major humiliation (or minor for that matter). the grannie panties and double protective lining was not needed and i ran and got a massage today! woo hoo for me! i am going to continue the experiment, in the sense that i will finish the bottle of alli, but i plan to avoid temptation and not tempt the fates again.

tempting the fates

well people, i have a confession. though i consider myself “ms. feminista” and damn proud of it thank you very much, i do – much more frequently than i care to admit to (OK, like every 1.45 hours)- cave to all those ridiculous double standards about female beauty, body size et cetera… et cetera….

well, long story short, i bought alli, yes the one that might likely cause “treatment effects” such as anal leakage, make my ass explode or something just as pleasing. yes, i am wasting my money and it is ridiculous and all of that – but it’s JUST 10 MORE POUNDS!!!! DEAR SWEET JESUS! I WANT THE SIZE 6 FOR ME!!!  EVERYONE ELSE IS FINE, IT’S JUST ME…..

the key here is that one is to adhere to a low-fat diet, which i try to do anyway. so i bought it this weekend and decided i would try it. we are day 2, everything’s fine, eating my regular way. my friend, donna, called me last night to find out if i had lost any weight yet. NO. no donna, not yet.

here’s the problem: took the pills today, am now cooking a frozen vicolo’s pizza (from my home town in the 415, yo-sooooo good!). it has 22 grams of fat per serving (1/4 of the pizza). it is a craving. when i see it, i want it! only 12 WW points used today…. i can smell it warming. delish!

so i am thinking this might be an experiment, as the fact that i am blogging about the potential freakish and humiliating outcome is not deterring my desire for, let’s face it, the whole dang PIE!!!!

 all right – T-5 minutes. what i won’t do for the internets! wish me luck…..

 ok it still smells good. i probably should ask a ninja, but, anal leakage be damned!

ok, again, this may be why i’m single…

 UPDATE: it is about i.5 hours later. so far- no exploding or otherwise related emissions. as far as i can tell, my post is date- and NOT time-stamped, so you can’t actually tell if i ate 2/3 of the (exceedingly small and exceedingly high fat count) pizza in 12 minutes flat or the reported 1.5 hours.    stay on target. stay on target.

UPDATE: p.s.- if you use “anal” in your tags, your blog stats go WAAAAAAY up! lucky me!

UPDATE: 2045 EST – so far no explosions. the suspense is killing me.