no time left

i have to get back up and boogie, although i rather enjoy raining grey days, listening to my iPodious go from random song to random song and cuddling with the blog dog.

i keep thinking a random haiku will surface. this week has been truly a tough one. row camp, of which i have pictures was fun, but pointed out to me my many physical shortcomings after taking the winter “off” – and it’s so upsetting, because my coach sees a lot in me and her word is like gold to me.  she told me i was getting too skinny and had dark circles under my eyes. then the killer – “whose taking care of YOU?”. (insert burst into tear here). ME ME ME NOBODY GOL-DAMMED ELSE. that’s how it has always been and always be. i want it that way. i’m pretty sure anyway. not that i don’t have wonderful friends and family, albeit most are pretty far away and i worry about “wearing them out” during my high anxiety moments. but, after 41 years of life, i can tell you, depending on others leads to disappointment, sure could be just generic stuff (like a guy grabbing your last 4 bucks out of your hands on a date or never calling you back after 3 weeks of dates and phone calls), or worse, big dramatic stuff - love or friendship that is usually ended in some funky way: death, cancer, lies, a sudden realisation of one party or the other (and i’ve been on each end of THAT one) that you were never actually friends at all, usually right about the time you open yourself up to possibility, something gut wrenching that leaves you alone and completely ridiculous and wondering what made me think this was any different than the 8 gazillion other times??? i know better!!!! (trust issues, anyone?) and lest anyone think this is purely a romantic related rant, it really isn’t. it applies to jobs, friends, hobbies, things you think will always be a part of your life and then……  i would like to live with out that shit. and if life isn’t possible without the bullshit waterfall, well, what do we do? drugs? electro-shock therapy? lots of chardonnay? loud ronny james dios? i’m done with the fucking roller coaster portion of life thank you. the highs ain’t worth the lows, so if any one knows where to find the mellow within, message me. 

but i digress. i’ve got some pics to post and various other things, like i am trying to figure out how to make wordpress accept and post a tweet cloud, like derek’s - it’s beautiful! time to get up and go back to work. smiles everyone, my undereye circles are showing. GOD FORBID!!!!!!

AND STOP LOOKING AT THAT EFFIN’ BIG ZIT STUPID POST WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!