to blog or not to blog

oh ya, i know i’m not the only one to struggle (airdrie??????)… the disney angle is covered elsewhere, i’m not the mary tyler moore career gal, i’ve just been in a bit of a funk…

first – my b-day is coming up. i’m not a person who thinks “oh, damn – i’m (30) – (4o) etc… but i did droop a little my 31st birthday and i wonder if there isn’t an underlying “i’ll be 41!” (and it’s not “someday!”, like in “when harry met sally”). maybe it’s flowing underneath everything and i’m not super aware of it.

second, i had a couple dates with my most recent RL crush (unlike my celebrity crushes and/or online crushes – i WILL NOT be naming names!!! – it did not pan out – which is ok, i repeat is ok – but i feel kind of crestfallen about it. i mean to paraphrase charlotte – “i’ve been dating for 25 years!!!! WHERE IS HE????” in addition to feeling rejected – a major blow to the ego in and of itself – but jesus. as far as i am concerned, here are my rules of attraction:

a) YOU are to remain attracted to ME until i am no longer attracted to YOU.

b) i am not a booty call gal, but YOU should want to make out with me all the time.

c) see A.

also, i do not have a replacement RL crush in the waiting. so instead, i see him every day (of course, prior to major humiliation and dumpage i hardly ever saw him) and he says “hi – how are you?”, completely making it worse that i acted like a freaky idiot and acting like i never… ok well we “never” (thank god!!!!!!!!!!) but i don’t now know if it is worse for someone to totally ignore you or just wave and say “hey” like you never spoke privately or whatever.

plus i feel soooo dumb for even thinking he was interested. i mean, i just feel like i can’t trust my judgment anymore and i just don’t know where to go now. i fucking give up.

i know this is all stupid and petty. but sometimes i feel i missed the W.O.O. what is the W.O.O.? Window Of Opportunity (tm TT whom coined the term). i apparently was supposed to latch randomly on to someone in my early twenties. now that i know who i am, what i want and am reaching my potential – i got nothin’. and i’m not tryin’ to be desperate woman sex blog, but i want a regular partner who i like and likes me and we do stuff and want to kiss each other. is that so wrong?

anywho, another weekend. i got stuff to do – but tonite, i ate a pot pie and i am going to watch all my tivo’d shows for the week – top chef, tim gunn’s guide to style, ANTM(cycle ??), ghost whisperer, ugly betty… then i shall lay on my bed – ALONE – and pout, maybe. and try to resist eating more ice cream.


and i do not feel like putting in all the links i should. so there.


1 Comment

  1. Air

    Try not to obsess too much on the concept of the WOO. If it’s kids you are worried about, I guess there is a small time problem, but on the other hand, maybe you won’t have birthed kids. Maybe you’ll marry into a nice set of divorcee kids. Or maybe you’ll adopt, or never have kids. It’s not the end of the world. I’d be more worried about the lack of sex. Have you considered online dating sites? Or perhaps just approaching your crushes more directly? “Wanna go out?”
    I dunno.

    Just remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. True dat.

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