truer words i had never written

 soooooo. i alludedto Maggie’s unusually rough time while i was out of town for 3 days. unfortunately for her, she had a grooming appointment upon my return. NOT her favorite thing. i joked about bloodshed, and that was my first mistake.

i write things about my dog here and there and often i feel i will write about some of her more serious issues or what have you, but, although i can blog about my period, having a dog whose nickname should be sybil is both embarrassing and heartbreaking. i got maggie when she was about12-15 weeks old? i had been looking for a dog, wanted a puppy, was looking for pedigreed dogs at the time – just because i wanted a small dog, preferably a non-shedding breed. i would like to get a mixed breed or rescue dog someday, but my dog plate is piled a little high right now.

i actually found the magpie through a newspaper add and it turned out she was the little cute coal black floppy washcloth looking puppy i had seen a young couple walking in my new apartment complex. he had gotten his girlfriend a puppy for christmas, a gift from the barely not a teenage guy to the barely not a teenage girl, who both worked AND went to school full time.  so maggie was essentially crated that entire time.

now i don’t think they were mean to my magpie, i believe that she is a zesty female alpha dog – she is miss personality. any book on getting a puppy tells you NOT to pick the pup that runs up licks you on the face, kissy kissy, all that. i am guessing that was my miss maggie mae.

maggie will be 8 years old this year, but the easiest way to describe her is to liken her to a three year old. a permanent, furry, temperamental three year old with little sharp teeth. she wants to do whatever she wants, when she wants it. now, if there is something scary or a big mean dog, she wants me to carry her on my shoulders. don’t get me wrong, if she was a total crazy evil maniac dog, i wouldn’t keep her, but she is just good enough, and then…..

  • yeah, she bit the groomer yesterday. right at the end. they even had her in those little head cones so they could get her feet. unfortunately, since she has hair, not fur, though she doesn’t shed, she needs grooming. because since day 1 this dog is psycho about being groomed, i don’t even brush her really. when she was younger, i tried to do a lot of work to desensitize her to various aspects of grooming etc, but after a few random chomps, me and the many behavioral specialist vets and trainers i have consulted have decided to leave it to the pros (i do warn them ahead of time!
  • and yesterday, i pretty much got the chomp of my life from the magnet. a bite, which like most that she does give, in a sense was totally my fault- but goddammmnit, maggie! wtf????

yesterday was sort of a jet laggy, head ache, blah tired day, but i did have errands to run. shoulda just taken a nap, but noooooooooo. mags got her new do, i told you how she behaved (i think i also mentioned she spazzed out at the 1st pet sitter too, right?). i was so exhausted but having that tossy turny, i can’t sleep i am too tired to sleep deal. well, i took one of my prescription sleeping aides and let me tell you, i indeed slept. however, it also causes quite a bit of amnesia, and i have felt (even with other rarely tried sleep meds by RX) that they almost give hallucinations? like things look fuzzy, hazy, blurry like your mind feels.

what i THINK happened was that mags was being a whiny girl last night (see, she sleeps in my room, but i have a leash that she is leashed to that gives her room to move around, water, a pee pad, what have you – CAUSE IF YOU DON’T SHE LIKES TO BITE AT THINGS MOVING UNDER THE SHEETS. HARD. although, interestingly, she could careless about your actual nekkid toes). so, the evidence suggests that i probably let her loose, not long after i had fallen asleep. she was in the bed, she will try to work her way up to the pillows.

i have had a couple of few bites from my own dog before. i mentioned the toe/cover thing. once she snuggled up to my back and i turned over resulting in lovely tiny teeth imprints on the left bazoom -now THAT hurt. mostly her biting would involve taking something really disgusting and thus superfantastic away from her, like the freaky piece of beef jerky she found today on our walk. otherwise, it is specific to grooming or catching her to give her a bath (yeah, i’ll tell you how i accomplish tat some other day….)

well, i turned, there she was and! surprise!!!

so i have a chomp on my nose, some kind of pseudo-chomp on my right shoulder. i freaked out my girlfriend in indiana, calling her at night, trying to explain what happened whilst being completely loopy! with my googly eyes, it really wasn’t clear if it was bad enough to go hospital (i certainly weren’t gonna drive there…) but in the immediately ensuing shock, pain, anger, crying (why don’t you love me, my magpie??!!) , and oh yeah, under the influence of the “i look awake, but i am not drug”, i confused the hell out of her…

so today, actually its just kind of road rash type deal, i mean all the nose PARTS are accounted for. i look a little somethin’ like this:




obviously i will recover. and mags is here by my side. the frustrating thing is that i love her so much and she is a ball of dog neurosis i guess, i mean i really believe that this is her personality. 85% of the time she is a dream – couldn’t live without her, as i said. and i have tried and tried training, vets. would love to try some doggie xanax . maybe i can take it the next time the poo tzu attacks.

and may i state the obvious that having an unruly animal is really embarrassing and makes a self fulfilling process in which socialization doesn’t occurs if the dog is afraid of other dogs or won’t come (if she don’t want too) off leach. or if they bite your face off.

maybe i will dig up my hannibel lecter costume tonite. and tell everyone at work i had the week off to get a nose job……


  1. Air

    You look so hawt in that third photo. (I’m so desperate I’d even do you)

  2. Air

    And your dog seems a little psycho. Just like me.

  3. Air

    And I”m packing for Disneyland 🙂 Yaaaaaaay.


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