having a moment

ok. i have been excited for months to go away with my best girl friend and meet up with like minded souls. and i am. but this whole week has kinda freaked me out and, yes, i am freaking right now. and i KNOW in my HEAD it is normal to be where i am at but…

i am having surgery august 11th. i have to be off work for 6 weeks. i can’t drive. until my recovery time is complete, i can not run, row, do any “high” impact exercises and i am on steroids (just a dose pack) but I GAINED 8 POUNDS FROM LAST WEEK.

just typing this makes me cry and freak out. actually, i thought 3 days of the steroids would make my arm not hurt so much (and it isn’t heinous stabbing pain, it is nagging annoying discomfort), but no. i take no pain meds (just ibuprofen/tylenol) during the day and it really is hurting by 6pm. then i take 482 vicodin at night. ok. that is a SLIGHT exaggeration. but still. i NEED to not have this immediately and i NEED to feel better until i go in because elsewise my brain will snap!!!




and i have been looking forward to this weekend for months! MONTHS! i can do this on my own, right? i hate when people help me because sometimes, when you are on your own, sometimes, you can’t help people back when they need it.






  1. Dear Abbey

    If you have friends whom are willing to help out except it. A person would not be a true friend if they held you accountable to return the favor.

    Now it may be in your personal nature to feel obligated to others. There’s nothing wrong with that, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just let those who want to help do so, and let them know you are thankful.

    On another note I agree pain fucking sucks.


  2. talkingtoair

    Maybe you are having roid-rage?
    I’m not sure I understand, you don’t want to have the surgery soon? Or you want to have it sooner?
    It’s ok to freak-out. I’m glad you are writing about it.
    Try not to over-think the weight-gain. If it happens, you will just work it off later. If you are too worried about it, maybe talk to a counselor about it, you know?
    Keep writing.

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