lisfarry.wordpress.com

my glass is half empty

having this dumb neck surgery is not brave or life threatening. it is not heroic. it in no way compares to things that people i love have gone through or people everyday are facing in their lives.

but, today – and i am menstrual and uncomfortable and sleep deprived – i feel very… not scared (not feeling scared at all).. but overwhelmed? worried? concerned. i cannot just site here for two weeks. i cannot do nothing. i feel it is so important to be a good, compliant patient, but i also cannot believe that i am too sit in my house for 2 weeks or maybe more. i mean, i do not want to play racquet ball for pete’s sake.

i just feel sad and pitiful tonite. my stupid neck hurts, i feel fat. i am eating like a crazy – what? i don’t know. a crazy monkey. i like the sound of a crazy lemur more, but i don’t feel a lemur sounds gluttunous enough to convey where i am at. i am gaining 8 million ponds a minute and losing every last scrap of muscle mass i ever even thought of having.

i have a big zit on my nose. i am lonely. i like a boy, but he lives far away (shocking, i know!!). i spent many many hours working on this weeks podcast, and, though i think i did a really really extra super job of formatting and selecting materials and in my editing, my sound quality has come out shitty again. the voices aren’t right and i don’t know what i am doing wrong. and jennifers all sound great (which i am very glad of!!!), but its a bummer when people say – oh! the last couple have sounded so much better! yes we are going down into the pit again!!!!

 

 

arg! i am going to go lay in bed. and probably eat stuff. and feel all pathetic and what not.

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6 Comments

  1. maybe the word you’re looking for is anxious? You have SO MUCH to deal with regarding the surgery, it’s totally understandable to be overwhelmed.

  2. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry you have to go through this!

  3. talkingtoair

    If I lived nearby I’d visit and we could drink margaritas and watch TV. Sorry you feel bad. Try not to worry too much about weight gain — it will ALL come off later, and will make for good incentive to rehab. Just like a pregnancy, but not.

  4. kittycat, i’m thinking about you. take a deep breath. wished i lived nearby too to come cheer you up.

  5. *wrapping you in a giant sized bear-to-kitty hug*

    Sometimes that’s all it takes.

    Just breathe.

    We’re all here for you.

  6. sambycat

    thanks everybody!! you have no idea what your comments and support mean to me!! 🙂

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