my glass is half empty
having this dumb neck surgery is not brave or life threatening. it is not heroic. it in no way compares to things that people i love have gone through or people everyday are facing in their lives.
but, today – and i am menstrual and uncomfortable and sleep deprived – i feel very… not scared (not feeling scared at all).. but overwhelmed? worried? concerned. i cannot just site here for two weeks. i cannot do nothing. i feel it is so important to be a good, compliant patient, but i also cannot believe that i am too sit in my house for 2 weeks or maybe more. i mean, i do not want to play racquet ball for pete’s sake.
i just feel sad and pitiful tonite. my stupid neck hurts, i feel fat. i am eating like a crazy – what? i don’t know. a crazy monkey. i like the sound of a crazy lemur more, but i don’t feel a lemur sounds gluttunous enough to convey where i am at. i am gaining 8 million ponds a minute and losing every last scrap of muscle mass i ever even thought of having.
i have a big zit on my nose. i am lonely. i like a boy, but he lives far away (shocking, i know!!). i spent many many hours working on this weeks podcast, and, though i think i did a really really extra super job of formatting and selecting materials and in my editing, my sound quality has come out shitty again. the voices aren’t right and i don’t know what i am doing wrong. and jennifers all sound great (which i am very glad of!!!), but its a bummer when people say – oh! the last couple have sounded so much better! yes we are going down into the pit again!!!!
arg! i am going to go lay in bed. and probably eat stuff. and feel all pathetic and what not.
- Posted in: bitching