i woke up this morning at 330am. normally – and i used to think this was only a guy thing, but WOW! girls get to do it too!!! – i probably wake up (when i can sleep) once during the night to pee (or tinkle, if you are my grandma), but my eyes just popped open, and, despite 2 podcast episodes of fresh air and a REALLY excellent episode of “this american life” (which does make me want to apologize to ira for the whole “myra katz” thing), i couldn’t get back to sleep.
how “faulknerian” was that paragraph?
i see the surgeon today at 1030. i am feeling pretty good. still taking this soma muscle relaxer 3 tid – which i don’t “feel” when i am taking it, but seem to reallly notice when i am not, and lots of tylenol. the occasional not very strong pain pill seems to have me doing just fine. i had repeated my MRI last friday, along with an XRay, so the verdict will be dependent upon, i suppose, how fused he feels my neck is in terms or resuming work activities – some lifting, pushing, turning of the neck, etc..
i am, i think understandably, anxious about the appointment. on the one hand, i have reached critical mass as far as time in the apartment is concerned. and, if i don’t get back to work soon, as i have mentioned, maggie will have to share her food with me and when that runs out – all bets are off. on the other hand, though i’ve had enough vacations since becoming a CRNA to know i haven’t forgotten how to give anesthesia (sadly, it’s not possible at this point), part of me is so inert now, so ensconced in the sluggish “what time is the 1200 re-run of bridezillas on?” existence that has been my world since august 11th, the mere idea of getting up at 5am everyday again and making it through A WHOLE ENTIRE 8 HOURS OF WORK actually is kind of scary.
really scary i mean. i will completely freak if the 0.05% chance that he tells me to stay home longer is what happens today, but i am nervous about going back to work and hurting. maybe finding out that all this didn’t help? although i truly feel it has. its just a lot, kind of the final piece of processing this little loss of control experience i refer to as “my summer vacation”.
so no wonder that my worries about not even being able to wake up and make it to a 1030am appointment resulted in me now being up for, lessee, 3 hours.
that, and the fact that my rowing buddy, noel, suggested we meet for breakfast at 830 this morning before she goes to teach violin at her new middle school gig.
so, i’m up. and it’s the first day of october, usually my favorite time of the year – after any sunny warm summer days of course – and i am feeling a bit blue. maybe its that it rained (and lightening-ed – i like that part!) all night. or maybe its that, though i always blast the air conditioner at home, i had to hobble to the guest room closet and pull out a fleece pullover to toss on over my nightie cause it feels like fall this morning. maybe its that my 42nd birthday is now 7 days away – this will be the second year in a row that i just don’t do anything – i mean, i don’t live around any people that i would, like, force to throw me a party or what not (although i can count on aunt anne and uncle bob calling me and singing “happy birthday” to my answering machine for the umpteenth year in a row). maybe its that, finally, after about 2 weeks of serious, weather related slugdom, i am starting to actually get moving on a few things i planned to accomplish during these last many weeks off. or maybe its that i am starting to get the fever over a long planned WDWorld trip – including a cruise! – that i am taking in december. or maybe it is remembering last years trip, how awesome it was, and the subsequent highs and lows that resulted from it.
or maybe that it is thinking about my mamie and poppa this morning, and how much i miss and love them, and how, though we talk ALOT, i haven’t made the time and effort to visit them in quite a while. gee, i seem to be able to go to disneyworld or toonfest. i haven’t been out there since last thanksgiving, also the last time i saw my brother, who lives in san diego. i worry that something will happen to one of them before i see them again, which, statistically is likely to be sooner and sooner as time passes, before i see them again, and will they, do they know how much i love them?
oh, and i forgot to have a baby.
so, on that note, i guess maybe i will try to do a few internet things on my “to do” list, walk the magpie – if it isn’t raining – and meet a good friend for breakfast.
i’ll be crossing my fingers for good news at the doctors. and for my grandfolks. and for me. and for, oh, i don’t know, world peace and fewer run on sentences.
- Posted in: rambling